We Grieve Differently
Everyone Experiences Grief Differently.
There is not one roadmap or how-to guide for "how to grieve." Simple. We all grieve differently.
You may have lost the same person, but still grieve differently.
You may have experienced the same type of loss, but still grieve differently.
You may have gone through multiple losses, but each loss you'll grieve differently.
Why? Well, every relationship is unique and different so the way we grieve the loss of that is going to be unique and different.
We all grieve differently.
Grief is universal, an experience everyone who loves someone will go through. Yet, it is so unique. We all grieve differently. You can lose the same person, but still grieve differently. You can go through the same type of loss, but still grieve differently. You can experience multiple losses, but each loss will be a different grief. Each experience will be unique. Each relationship is unique. We cope differently. We grieve differently. And the takeaway here is that this is normal. Do not judge what worked for some else, because it might not work for you. What has worked in the past for you, might not work now. Grief is an experience we handle one day at a time.
There is no "one size fits all" guide to grief.
Prior to experiencing loss, you may have thought there was one way to grieve. I think one of the biggest things I learned was that the "five stages of grief" was directed towards those with a terminal illness. That is a different type of grief from losing a loved one. Although you may relate to those stages, it doesn't mean there is a specific order and timeline for your grief you are experiencing.
Grief is a lifelong experience after losing a loved one.
Grief does not have a timeline. Your "grief journey" is a lifelong experience after losing a loved one. Grief isn't just a period of time after losing a loved one. It's not temporary (though does change from that experience of initial loss). Grief changes throughout your lifetime. Grief is not a momentary feeling, it really is a journey, And everyone's will be different.
Can you distract your grief away?
For me, I couldn't, Ways I responded to my grief:
I thought if I traveled more and "lived more" my grief wouldn't feel as heavy.
I tried to pick up so many hobbies that I wouldn't have time to feel alone.
But grief always found a way to creep back in... I couldn't distract my grief away.
Not everyone cries throughout their grief.
"It's good to see you're doing better." That's not what it meant though. I was still grieving, but to the world I was moving on. And that hurt. I couldn't explain that this was still grief. Initial loss made sense. It was overwhelming, all consuming, and I cried. But I don't cry like I used to. I just wake up everyday and remember you're not here, but I don't always cry... and that sometimes doesn't even make sense to me. Grief is hard to explain when you can't even understand it for yourself.
Grieving on Social Media.
Not everyone chooses to share their grief out loud or on a public platform. And that is normal too. While sharing your grief may truly help you heal on your own grief journey... build a support system, and provide an outlet... please be mindful that:
The number of followers or likes you have does not measure the validity of your grief.
People tend to compare themselves on social media to others. Try not to compare your grief. Nobody wants a grieving competition.
You're allowed to grieve however you grieve. Not everyone will resonate with your grief.
We all grieve differently.